I’ve Studied Trauma For 30 Years: How To Cope With Holiday Triggers

Now, imagine going through this with a trauma history. If you are already plagued by symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), it makes an already stressful time of the year nearly impossible to manage.

Trauma survivors are often faced with difficult decisions during the holidays: Do I go back home to the scene of the crime or Do I stay home and spend the holidays alone? Both choices are often associated with negative consequences. But what if there was a way to be less stressed and make healthier choices during the holiday season?

When dealing with trauma triggers, practicing the 4 Rs can help survivors make choices from a more mindful, centered place.

First, be aware of your responses. It’s important to know that reacting strongly to people or upsetting situations is our psyche’s way to keep painful memories at bay. When you yell or raise your voice, or even shutdown and withdraw, try being self-compassionate, not self-critical, of your responses. Remember that you’re doing your best to manage a situation that feels threatening or out of your control.

If you choose to visit family over the holidays, set clear expectations ahead of time. Call and let them know how and when you’ll be visiting them. Stay in a hotel or with a friend. Have an exit strategy, speak up, set limits, or leave when things get heated. If you choose not to go home, don’t isolate yourself. Reach out and make plans with friends or neighbors, make a phone date with a friend, or host a party and invite people with whom you enjoy spending time.

Next, release what doesn’t belong to you. We all absorb things in our environment and internalize the behaviors and beliefs of those around us. It’s important to be aware of your actions and determine if they’re yours and align with your views or came from someone else. You can let go of beliefs that don’t serve your best interest.

Instead, see if you can make the choice to forgive. Forgiving someone doesn’t let them off the hook or condone their behavior. Instead, forgiveness frees you from carrying the pain, anger, and sadness that was brought into your life because of the actions of another.

Holidays are challenging for all of us; they’re even more challenging for those who suffer trauma. If we recognize our responses as our best attempt to protect us, are reassured that we have what we need inside of us to make good decisions, release what doesn’t belong to us, and rise above the actions of others, our trauma doesn’t dominate our lives or dictate our decision making. Following the four Rs allows us to have the holidays we want—ones that are filled with more joy, laughter, love, and gratitude.