How To Talk About Money & Finances With Your Partner, According To Experts

Conversations about money aren't exactly "pillow talk," but they are as necessary for couples as whispering sweet nothings to one another. For sure, talking about money can be uncomfortable. No two people are money twins. The challenge can be even greater for couples still getting to know one another. But the sooner you get the money stuff worked out in your relationship, the better.

The stats may give you courage. In a Divorce.com study, 36% of participants said money issues and debt were the cause of their divorce. A recent survey for fintech company Chime found that finances can make or break a relationship: 77% of those polled said financial irresponsibility was unattractive and 22% ended relationships over poor financial management. 

"Effective communication is the cornerstone of any successful relationship, and finances are no exception. Honest communication about money matters is important," says Deborah Gilman, Ph.D., psychologist, and owner of Fox Chapel Psychological Services.

"Money has the potential to create power imbalances within relationships. Whether it's the individual who earns more feeling a sense of authority or the one who earns less experiencing a loss of agency, the power dynamics associated with financial disparities can strain relationships. Power imbalances must be addressed to maintain a healthy and equitable relationship," she adds.

"Here's how you can bring it up. Ask, how do you manage your monthly expenses? Do you prefer apps, or are you old-school and keep a ledger? This way, it's more casual early on. Notice how they respond to this question. Have this talk in person so you can read their body language. If you are using a money app, show it to them. It's less invasive that way," says Asha Tarry, a psychotherapist and CEO of Behavioral Health Consulting Services.